Windows open... The birds sing enthusiastic praises to Heaven.
Here I sit... at the kitchen table... fighting back... undesirable emotions.
I refuse to cry.
Life is life... I will "Trust and Obey"! I will not bellyache.... I will not complain.
I refuse to fight my Father every step of the way. His "Word" reminds me that seasons change. Ecclesiastes shouts "change".
I know "all" the right answers.
I realize... trusting in the Father... is the only way.
Yet. around the corner is another lurking move, and more unknowns await my future.
I'm not sure my heart can cope with another "big" move.
I'm yearning... desiring... reaching for stability.
I long for some long term boredom. The knowing... the familiar faces... the mindless driving of familiar territory... watching my children build long-term friendships... knowing my baby girl, will share the same teachers as her older brothers... knowing my friends... where they live... and who I can call for help.
At this point, I want to fall on the floor. Throw a four year old sized tantrum.
Screaming won't change the inevitable outcome. Crying won't either.
Grumping at God, my husband, and children definitely won't change the outcome.
All I have is God...
All I can do is pray...
I must continue to trust... To lay aside my desire for familiarity, and once again... trust in Him.
To be honest... Sometimes, I don't want to trust. I wan't to scream, throw a fit, and cry. Anything to control my world, and my desires.
Trust me, I've done my share of crying, screaming, and toddler sized tantrum throwing. To my knowledge... none of these childish antics have proven successful.
Like a four year old, learning tantrums in the middle of the grocery store, doesn't earn an exiting reward. So have I learned, negativity.. fighting... and bitterness haven't helped me earn rewards.
Tears gently trickle.
Despite my humanness I will trust Him, "once again", in the midst of the tears.
I will allow God to prove Himself to me, "once again".
I will cry... because I can't make the tears stop.
Knowing that He's there "once again" catching each and every tear.
Wiping away every drop of pain... frustrations... fear... and uncertainty.
"Once again"...
I will "Trust and Obey".
For there's no other way!
