Windows open... The birds sing enthusiastic praises to Heaven.
Here I sit... at the kitchen table... fighting back... undesirable emotions.
I refuse to cry.
Life is life... I will "Trust and Obey"! I will not bellyache.... I will not complain.
I refuse to fight my Father every step of the way. His "Word" reminds me that seasons change. Ecclesiastes shouts "change".
I know "all" the right answers.
I realize... trusting in the Father... is the only way.
Yet. around the corner is another lurking move, and more unknowns await my future.
I'm not sure my heart can cope with another "big" move.
I'm yearning... desiring... reaching for stability.
I long for some long term boredom. The knowing... the familiar faces... the mindless driving of familiar territory... watching my children build long-term friendships... knowing my baby girl, will share the same teachers as her older brothers... knowing my friends... where they live... and who I can call for help.
At this point, I want to fall on the floor. Throw a four year old sized tantrum.
Screaming won't change the inevitable outcome. Crying won't either.
Grumping at God, my husband, and children definitely won't change the outcome.
All I have is God...
All I can do is pray...
I must continue to trust... To lay aside my desire for familiarity, and once again... trust in Him.
To be honest... Sometimes, I don't want to trust. I wan't to scream, throw a fit, and cry. Anything to control my world, and my desires.
Trust me, I've done my share of crying, screaming, and toddler sized tantrum throwing. To my knowledge... none of these childish antics have proven successful.
Like a four year old, learning tantrums in the middle of the grocery store, doesn't earn an exiting reward. So have I learned, negativity.. fighting... and bitterness haven't helped me earn rewards.
Tears gently trickle.
Despite my humanness I will trust Him, "once again", in the midst of the tears.
I will allow God to prove Himself to me, "once again".
I will cry... because I can't make the tears stop.
Knowing that He's there "once again" catching each and every tear.
Wiping away every drop of pain... frustrations... fear... and uncertainty.
"Once again"...
I will "Trust and Obey".
For there's no other way!
Oh Crystal,, so sorry that you are moving again. Any idea where you are going this time? Will keep you all in my prayers. I know it's difficult but God will bless you all in this because you are trusting Him! Hugs xxx
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are having to go through another move. I know the feeling of wanting to cry and scream and throw a fit like a four year old too! It is hard to understand God's plan, but you are so right - we just have to trust in Him!
ReplyDeletePraying for you, for peace and wisdom in the move. You are so right that no matter what, we must trust & obey!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your comment on Saved by Grace!
Love in Him,
Laurie
No other way to be happy in Jesus! I'll pray that God will encourage your heart. Moving is so hard--I did it 11 years ago after I had been ministering to the same group of people for 19 years. Keep trusting.
ReplyDeleteHello dear heart. Your name is the same as mine, and you look somewhat as I did at an earlier age. In an age where we have so much such as computers and television, it leaves us hankering for more and I believe thats because, we no longer have the battle to do as much as what we once did. My mother used to spend a day washing the clothes. There was such a lot of work to do with that. Walk to get the wood to light the fire under a copper of water. Soak clothes in there and prod them to get out stains. Then into a type of washing machine this a handle she had to work manually up and down. Then came the wringer and getting them as dry as possible before they were rinsed in clean water, wringer again and then hung out to dry.
ReplyDeleteWe don't labor like this anymore, and I honestly believe, that manual work got people healthier and happier. It kept their endorphins occupied.
Arrr if we could only see, the big picture of what life had in store.. But perhaps we would give up if we could. You do very well to write about your feelings. I am sure you feel better for speaking out truthfully.. Many people don't.... Most of us carry frustrations, but in wisdom I feel we need to look at all we have and be thankful. Thank you for writing this! It has helped me to better see myself, and be more grateful. Hugs dear friend.
Saying prayers.
ReplyDeleteHi ladies! I stumbled upon this blog I had written prior to starting my current blog. I loved your comments, and really wish I would have found them earlier. We didn't have to move, and God has made it a real possibility to stay here for the unforeseen future. I hope you visit me new blog sight.
ReplyDeletewww.theflamewithin.me
Blessings,
Crystal
so sorry that it is such a hard season with uncertainty. i'm so glad you can trust in a God that has a plan bigger than ours. although I know that is hard to do!
ReplyDelete